At the end of a long day cleaning up after and taking care of your children, do you ever wonder where all your spare time went? If you find yourself longing wistfully for some time without the kids, either with your partner or alone, don't feel guilty.

While we all love our little bundles of joy and feel fulfilled by having them in our lives, the reality is that once you become a parent, all your free time gets sucked away. Romance and social engagements become secondary, and you now transform into an entity of your child. You'll now be known forever more as – for example – Jillian's Mum/Dad, rather than who you were before you started your family.

Finding the time to be you

Research has shown that it's important for parents to stay connected with each other and themselves, in order for their children to be happy. It's not enough to just see your partner at the end of a long day of going to work, taking the children to school, picking them up, taking them for classes, buying groceries and doing the laundry – relationships need time and effort invested into them, just the way they did when you were first dating.

It's also important for children to learn the concept of having time to themselves and being able to develop their own hobbies and passions, so that they don't grow into the habit of needing you around constantly to entertain them, or mistakenly feeling that they will always be entitled to other people's time and attention at the drop of a hat, regardless of others' needs.

Things to do for yourself

Whether you're a single parent or just need some time alone away from the rest of your family, here are some ideas you can try:

• Take a bubble bath
  While the kids are at school, scope out an hour to relax in a bubble bath with mood music and a good book.


• Join a gym with a kids' club
  There's no reason why you can't work out and go for classes the way you used to. Bring the kids along and drop them off at the kids' club, where they'll have a great time playing with other children and getting the exercise they need too.


• Bring your books and magazines to the park
  If you've been meaning to catch up on your reading, why not bring it along with you to the park or playground? You can read while listening out and glancing up every so often at your children, while they play.


• Dust off old hobbies or take up new ones
  Hobbies are an excellent way of expressing yourself and can bring a lot of self-fulfillment. Make an effort to take up old hobbies that you used to love, or take up some new ones. This is also a good idea if you've discovered that your social circle now only includes other parents, and you miss having more varied conversation.

Things to do with your partner

Having a family doesn't mean the death of romance. In fact, it's all the more important to put in the effort, because your spouse is just as important as your children. Make an effort to spend time together alone once a week, not once a month. Have a look at these tips:

• Get season tickets
  Get a subscription to the cinema, theatre, opera or favourite sporting event that you and your partner have to go to regularly, as you're less likely to feel guilty about something you've already paid for that has to be used. The rest of your free time will always be for your kids, so there's nothing wrong in taking a set time out every week for each other.


• Put the kids to bed
  Rearrange your schedule so that after you've put the kids to bed, you've still got a few hours where you can start a romantic evening with a bottle of wine, soft music, and each other.


• “No talking about the children” rule
  Make a rule that when you're spending time together, that there has to be a break in talking about them, for at least an hour or two. Use the time to find out about how your partner is feeling and what is bothering them. Reconnecting with your partner is key to a healthy relationship.


• Show affection towards each other in front of the kids
  Don't worry about showing your children that you care deeply for each other. Affectionate, open parents who show that they always have time for each other as well as their kids, are a great role model for children. This can greatly effect their personal development, even years later, and the way they will in turn handle relationships.

Picture Credit: Photo by solorya on stock.xchng