Having children is a fulfilling, rewarding experience – most of the time. Sometimes when the stress is high and you just can't seem to get your child to do what you want, especially when it's for their own good, it's easy to get overwhelmed and fly off the handle.

While every family has their own approach to discipline, physical punishment such as slapping, spanking, hitting or slapping is not always guaranteed to be effective, as often children, particularly younger ones, are unable to make the connection between their behaviour and the punishment they've been given. They just feel the pain, get upset and this can lead to more problems like aggression in the long run.

Here are some tips on alternative ideas you can consider when disciplining your child:

Don't be too critical
It's important for your child to know that you still love him/her, and that it's the behaviour you're not happy with. Even if you're angry, try not to take pot shots about other things, otherwise your child will see this as an attack, and over time might develop self-esteem problems.

Focus on the positives
If your child's behaviour does change, for example, they pick up their clothes from the floor without you needing to tell them to, give them positive reinforcement, saying for example: “I like that you put all your clothes away,” instead of: “For once, you got around to putting your clothes away without my asking.”

Be a good role model
Children copy everything they see adults do, as a form of developmental learning. So if you expect certain behaviour from your child, such as being polite and staying calm in a stressful situation, make sure that you are never seen doing the opposite. Leading by example is one of the best ways to instill values and morals into children.

Stay firm about punishments
If your child has done something wrong and has been given the punishment of, say, sweeping the garden before they can go out to play, make sure you don't go back on it. Not keeping to threats means that in future they won't be heeded, and you will lose all the power you have in getting the child to obey you.

Give incentives but never bribe
It is a good idea to give a child an incentive to study hard and do well, such as a reward for good exam marks, or for helping with household chores, but these incentives should never be given in advance, as it can lead to your child getting into the bad habit of demanding gifts before doing things that are good for them.

Be creative with punishments
The idea of a punishment is that it is something your child dislikes and doesn't want to do. So make sure that your punishments are not things that you would normally make your child do, as then they can't see the difference. Good ideas for punishments are running laps, extra house chores, extra homework and the removal of certain privileges, such as TV or going out to play with friends. Make sure though that your punishments are not extreme and do not go on for a long time, because if they are, your child will feel that there is no point in trying to behave better, if the punishment never gets lifted, and they will find ways to get around the punishment as a coping mechanism.

Learn when to offer choices
It's a good idea to offer children a choice when it comes to what chores they want to help with, as it makes them feel more grown up and trusted, but when it comes to something that they have to do for their own good, like go to the dentist, make it clear that this is not optional. Never give in to crying and tantrums, as the child will see this as a way to get what he/she wants.