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How to Deal with Problems at School
The school years can be challenging, and if your child is struggling, it may be hard to know how to help. But you’re not alone: this guide to dealing with school problems will tell you what to do.
Signs of a problem
Not every family has strong communication skills, or a level of trust strong enough to divulge some problems. If this sounds like your family, you know that you still care about your children, and don't want to see them get hurt or experience problems at school. So here are some telltale signs to look out for:
- Changes in communication: If your child in normally talkative, but becomes withdrawn, there might be something amiss. This is, of course, harder to spot in shy and quiet children.
- Changes in behaviour: The child might become unenthusiastic, lethargic or withdrawn. They might spend more time alone, or in their room, than before.
- Changes in interaction: The child might show unwillingness to spend time with friends or family members. They may also become less inclined to interact verbally with parents and siblings. This is a surefire sign that there is something wrong.
- Stealing: A child may result in stealing, shoplifting, or hiding things from around the house. This could be caused by a desire to give thing to bullies (to give them what they want), or to their peers, in an attempt to make new friends.
- Bullying: Your child can bully a younger member of the family as a sort of retaliation against their own bullying: a way to regain the feeling of power and control that they have lost.
- Bedwetting: This is huge sign that your child feels anxious and repressed. However, children tend to go through a bedwetting stage around age 7, so look out for other signs of anxiety (such as nightmares and inability to sleep) and the signs above, too.
Working problems out
Whatever the problem, engage the help of your child's school to solve it. Start by talking to the class teacher informally. You may want to flag up the issue in advance so the teacher can find out what is going on.
- Write a list of the topics you want to cover
- Take a pen and notebook into the meeting with you, and make notes
- Summarize the meeting clearly afterwards, so that you can refer back to it
- Try to end the meeting by agreeing on an action plan
- Follow it up any agreement or discussion in writing, especially if there is little or no sign of improvement
- Don't be afraid of taking it further: speak to the Chairman of the Governors, or the local education authority, whose job it is to care for your child through education.
If your child is being bullied
Bullying is one of the biggest problems in a school career. If you suspect, or realise that your child is being bullied, speed is key. Take action quickly, and encourage those around you to do the same. Of course, addressing problems at an early stage is not always possible: children often conceal bullying through fear of reprisal. Watch out for changes in your child's behaviour, and, if you suspect that bullying is the cause, go straight to your child's teacher.
How to deal with the school
- Firstly - crucially - make sure your child knows that they were right to tell you, if they did. If you found out by other means, it's up to you whether or not to tell your child.
- Next, contact the school and ask them about their anti-bullying policy.
- Explain the problem to the school, and allow them time to investigate.
- Call back, or write to them at a later date, and ask to be told what they have been doing to stop the bullying. Try to arrange follow-up meetings with the people you spoke to, to assess whether measures are working.
- Demonstrate confidence. Show your child, through your own actions, how to be self-confident. Take care of your body language when speaking to them, or anyone around them. Don't lose your temper or argue in front of them. You could even show your child what you're doing, and why.
- Encourage your child to develop a strong bond of friendship with their classmates and peers. Show them how to do this by your own example, and let them see you enjoying your time with friends. Teach your child the value of friendship: that friends stick up for each other and defend each other.
- Teach your child how to respond when bullied. The ideal response is to simply walk away. This, as we all know, is not always possible, but remaining calm is a crucial part of any response. The calmer the child, the less ammunition they give the bully.
- Praise your child. Compliments and congratulations will raise their self esteem and build self-confidence. With these attributes, they are much less likely to be bullied, and much more likely to be able to deal with it if they are.
If your child is struggling due to family trauma
The illness or death of a relative can leave a child distressed. They may worry about what will happen at home when they are at school, or feel that school is now unimportant. Whatever the situation, let the school know what is happening.
- Take a balanced approach with attendance. Your child may need time off to work things through emotionally, but being at school can give then a chance to feel life is temporarily normal.
- Make sure that your child has the opportunity to talk a teacher or friend: this can help them make sense of confusing emotions. Some schools have counsellors or can put you in touch with a local service.
Picture Credit: Photo by hortongroup on stock.xchng
Online Resources
The Department for Children, Families and Schools
Anti-bullying Alliance
NSPCC: Guidance booklets called Checkpoints.
Childline
Child Bereavement Charity
Winston’s Wish (bereavement)
Education Otherwise
Yahoo list for Education Otherwise
Home Education Advisory Service
Home education in Scotland
Home education in Northern Ireland
HE Special home education for children with special educational needs
